Operation Matron Dress: The Wrap Up

And just like that, it's all over.

Months of lead up preparations, more-than-was-necessary pre-wedding dramas, plenty of sugar icing and then in the space of 8 hours, it was all done and dusted.

It was a lovely day.  The weather couldn't have been more perfect.  Considering the TV forecasters kept saying late thunderstorms for Saturday afternoon, the gods of thunder heeded the unspoken 'don't you dares' from many a guest and more so from my bride.  

There were a few....relatively minor.....potential hiccups....that were resolved with plenty of time to spare but by the stage they came in, I was expecting them.  This wedding hasn't, after all, run as smoothly as it should have in the planning stage!

On Friday night, after having finished the icing of the cake with nary an incident to be had, I was partaking of a few glasses of red to celebrate.  That's when I got the phone call.  I was a little tipsy (it was late after all!) and overly joyous so the nature of the call didn't really sink in until I was off the  phone.  And then, all I could do was laugh in a 'what else' sort of way.  It turned out that one of the cars to be used in the wedding (the one that was going to transport me, the DIL bridesmaid and two page boys to the ceremony) had broken down and could my car be used?  Oh, and could I drive it?  See, I had to laugh.

'Sure!  No worries at all!' I exclaimed in a fantastic display of pretend sobriety and heartfelt support.  My bride did not need to be stressing about this!  What this meant of course, was that I now had to clean my car before the wedding.  I need to stress here that my car is filthy.  Both inside and out.  All the time.  My car is a workhorse and isn't pretty.  Hence, instead of leisurely taking the cake to the reception hall and then casually getting ready, my morning was instead filled with giving  the car the best, quickest once-over I could in a limited timeframe.  Enough to pass a casual inspection, enough to not make our pretty clothes dirty!

With the car cleaned, I then had to take the cake to the reception hall.  Easy enough you would think.  I got the cakes (two separate tiers) safely into the back of the car - negotiating the back steps was my biggest concern.  Our back steps can be likened to a ladder leaning against a wall - very steep with handrails that are merely cosmetic - hang on to them at your peril!  But I got down them safely and stowed the cakes.  Then to the reception hall....

I had been told that people would be there all morning setting up and getting ready.  When I got there, not a person to be seen.  Doors locked, lights out.  Nothing.  I rang my bride who then rang her husband-to-be who then rang the person with the key.  He'd be there in twenty minutes.  'No worries' I told myself, 'Plenty of time.'

Forty-five minutes later I was getting restless.  I had two cakes in the car, in the sun.  I needed to get into this hall.  I called my bride again in a little bit of a panic and asked where this person was, is he still coming and if not, did the priest lived nearby and would he have a key?  She was onto it.  I won't repeat what went through my head when not two minutes later the priest walked FROM NEXT DOOR to unlock the hall for me.  It wasn't at all appropriate mind-thoughts for church grounds and I may be now going to hell.  

But anyway....by this point I was on a sugar low having not eaten for hours so my hands were incredibly shaky.  And I now had to construct my cake masterpiece....without dropping it.  A few deep breaths, some mental pepping-up and the deed was done, and even easier than I was expecting.  All good.  Then it was off to get ready.

And from then on all went well.  We got to the church on time (to the minute), the service was lovely (the priest was Scottish.  I could have listened to him talk all day.  He could have been reading tax legislation for all I knew but I could have listened all day), the weather stayed perfect for the photos and then the reception went off without a hitch.  My bride couldn't have asked for more.  

As for me, the dress still fitted and looked good (when I remembered to suck my guts in), my friend Miss K did a great job on make-up and hair and I was looking hot-to-trot (so to speak).  I got a lot of really wonderful feedback on the cake and have a couple of future jobs lined up as a result (gotta love weddings for networking!).  

Given that a great percentage of the people at the wedding were, how to put this politically correct, older, it was all over by 7:30pm.  I can't say I was disappointed because by then I was exhausted!  And my bride looked even more tired than me!  I think I was in bed and asleep not long after I got home.  And I slept the sleep of the dead last night.  Exhausted.

And now it's all finished.  My bride has started her new chapter with her new husband and is living her happily ever after....awwww.


And, despite how this wedding has turned out, if in the future, for whichever bride I am making a cake for, I am ever asked again to step up and fill some Matron/Bridesmaid type shoes (particularly for someone I don't really know that well, especially if I don't know anyone other than the bride and groom in the bridal party), I shall politely, nicely, gently decline.  I just don't think I have it in me again!!

Operation Matron Dress: it's time already??

Well, it's here.  Tomorrow is the day when my 75-year-old bride marries her man and lives happily ever after.

I can't believe how quickly the weeks have passed.  Nor how little I actually followed through on my original to-do list.

I have managed to keep off the sugar.  I'm quite proud of my achievement on that one.  Not so proud of my lack of increasing the water consumption and decreasing the diet-Coke addiction.  Hmmmm.  And as for taking my own lunch to work every day?  Yeah, didn't happen.  All good in theory but the putting into practice really needs some work!

The exercise side of things was a major fail.  Especially once approval was gained for the wearing of a dress I already owned and fitted into.  That removed the pressure immensely.  Who thinks of cardio and sqats when it is known that one's rear end doesn't strain the fabric so much that it looks like a hippo wearing lycra?  Of course, I last tried the dress on two weeks ago and as it is not here with me (the bride has it from her quest to find another matron dress to fit the other girl) I can't claim with 100% certainty that it still will fit.  Not that I've done anything bad to warrant not fitting but you never can be too cocky about these things!

As for the cake....well something had to go right.  It's now 10:30am the day before and it is all complete and ready for transport to the reception venue tomorrow morning.  I would have it all boxed up ready to go but last night I slept a grand total of 3 hours so this morning the potential for disaster is HUGE.  When I'm tired I drop things.  A lot.  So I'm not risking it.  

At least the weather has held up.  After the rain at the start of the week it has since cleared up and the sun has been shining beautifully every day.  Here's hoping tomorrow doesn't bring flash flooding and widespread damage across the region.  Sunday's fine for that sort of shenanigans.  Just not tomorrow.

See you on the flip side!

Will post piccies post-haste.....

Operation Matron Dress: less than 2 weeks to go!!! (otherwise known as, what else can go wrong)

I can't believe it.  What happened to January and it's well meaning weeks of actually following my plan and getting into shape in time for this wedding!  It's now less than 2 weeks to go (can you detect the touch of hysteria there?)!!!!

So a lot has happened recently - not all of it good.

Here's a run-down.....

On the plus side....I'm still off the sugar.  An occasional breakout, which I know now is followed by an awful (just awful) sugar low 24 hours later, but I think I am now in control - the foul, grumpy, nasty, sugar-craving me is just not a nice person to be around (even I don't want to be around me).  The cravings any other time have gone completely and my body shape has changed in ways I didn't think possible.  My top half looks all toned and (relatively) terrific despite the lack of exercise (see below), that is my tuckshop arm has decreased enough to look decent in a sleeveless dress, yet my ass has gotten wider and the scales are reading off the planet....I'm stumped.

I haven't been exercising (surprise, surprise) unless you count the hours of going up and down a ladder with all the hours of house painting I've been doing* - I have thighs of steel.  Not that it counts or has made much difference but it's the thought that counts right?  The treadmill remains dusty and with crap draped across it.  I'm lazy.  That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

As a result the dress still doesn't fit.  I had a minor meltdown a couple of weeks ago about that.  As much exercise as I actually did (not much), and as much as I watch what I put in my mouth (a whole lot more of that), there ain't no amount of starving myself that is going to get my hips narrower than my shoulders.  Full Stop. I don't even think there is a surgery that could fix that....

But that all whining and moaning and gnashing of teeth dissipated when I found out that the other matron doesn't even have a dress.  Huh?  That was my reaction but it turns out that this wedding is working on matching colours (hopefully) for the matrons rather than matching both colour and style of dresses.  Okay.  Works for me.  So with that in mind, yesterday at the rehearsal I took along a similar coloured dress I already had in my wardrobe that fits me nicely (still - and from my sister's wedding 10 years ago - boooyeah!) and suggested it instead......

To my utter extactic-ness, the best man's shirt matches it (booooyeah!) and it is all systems go on the dress that fits!!!  Yay!!!!  Oh yeah, and I also found out that I'm the actual Matron of Honour....not just a married-bridesmaid-called-a-matron.  Noice.  So now I'm freaking that there's all these 'things' that a Matron of Honour is expected to do for the bride before her wedding and I haven't done one of them....eeekkkk!  Worst Matron in the history of Matrons....

Now for the 'what else can go wrong' side...nothing that I can control but enough to make me shake my head at some people and remind me that some weddings can be incredibly stressful.  

.....so my bride, as you may recall, is 75 years old.  Her husband-to-be's family pulled out months ago hence my elevation from guest/ cake maker to Matron (I'm at a loss as to why I am Matron of Honour and not her daughter-in-law who is the other bridesmaid/matron???).  And then this morning, my bride was told by her friend/neighbour/wedding organiser that she's done, she wants no part of this wedding, you're on your own.  Say what????  As you could expect, my bride is distraught.  This neighbour woman has been in control of all facets of the organisation - particularly the food.  My bride, my 75 year old and currently quite sick bride, now has to factor in cooking enough food to feed the masses in the lead-up to her big day.  What sort of person does this?  Two weeks out?  (truth be told, as I told my bride, better two weeks than two days).  Insane.  

After the initial shock and disbelief and 'what I am going to do' (plus a whole lot of tears) this morning, my bride is back on top and is happy that true colours have been shown now rather than later and that she can get on with the organisation herself and have the wedding she wants.  Turns out this friend/neighbour/wedding planner was adamant things happen her way.  I hesitate to say it might be for the best that this woman who has her bedroom full of stuffed teddy bears is not involved.....not that I have anything against a middle-aged woman having a room stuffed with teddy bears but it doesn't exactly scream grown up and adult to me...living vicariously through others maybe???  If I find out she has 6 cats she fits the stereotype in my head very well.

And that's where we're at at the moment.  Personally I currently have a dining table full of sugar flowers and a calendar marked out with cake icing next week.  Please rain, don't come back for a bit, at least until after the wedding - I want my flowers not to droop.  I'm not panicking.  Not yet.  I'll let you know about that one come Thursday next week.

Here's hoping nothing else can go wrong for my bride.  

* the LOML and I are painting our rental house to sell :(  Not a happy choice we want to make but at least we have this choice....

Operation Matron Dress: Too many weeks since I updated but better late than never!

Goodness gracious me!  Where have the weeks gone?  (don't be fooled - I don't talk like that - I can't say I've ever actually said 'goodness gracious' out loud in my life! ).


But that's not the point - the point is that it's been a long time since I first posted about my quest to tone up, shape down and fit into this dress in time for the wedding in February in which I will be stand-in-matron.....and my vow to regularly report on my progress.  Big fail on that front but....

....here's a long overdue update!


The sugar headaches have gone now, the cravings for sweet goodies are minimal (if at all) and best of all, the clothes (pants!) are fitting better.  Yay!!!  Christmas was a testing time, what with all the puddings and nibblies and what-not.  I had the handle on that though because I nominated to host Christmas Day which therefore put me in charge of catering (ulterior motive if ever there was one!).  I'm sure my family was quite put out with the lack of sugary sweets and decadent desserts but I was happy (and less tempted) and that's all that mattered!  I did managed to partake of some champagne which was my only slip-up, if it could be called that.  The sugar-low that followed was not pretty!

At the start of the first week I weighed and measured myself (thanks Marianne for the suggestion) so I had something to compare against, and as of the start of Week 5 I had lost about 2 kg, though it could be a little less - our scales are the old dial version and when combined with my ever-increasingly-blurry eyesight (mental note: get eye check) all I can do is guestimate!  Nonetheless I'll go with 2kg.  I would have remeasured myself by now but I put the original measurements in a really, really safe spot.....and now I can't find them!  But the clothes are fitting better and I'm wearing shirts and shorts I haven't worn for at least a year so that can only mean a decrease in girth.

I'm still struggling with the exercise thing - struggling to find time and motivation to fit it in more than anything.  I've been doing squats and lunges and push ups etc both at the shop and at home but getting myself onto the treadmill has been not happening.  I have been walking with purpose though whenever I have to walk somewhere (as opposed to the dawdle of everyone I pass) and I've been trying to get out of the shop for a walk around the centre/ block whenever I can so that has to count for something.  I also scored a pilates DVD from Santa though I am yet to pull that one out.....!  February is getting closer and closer with every procrastination!

On the positive front, I'm sleeping better than ever and if I thought my skin was good during the first week of sugar withdrawal, it is now absolutely amazing!  I can't remember the last time I had a breakout and I was even asked for ID at the casino over the weekend (I am well and truly beyond the needing-ID-stage so that was a real ego booster!  Thanks Mr Security Guard!).  No sugar, quality sleep and lots of water does wonders for Shelley's skin!  The occasional consumption of sweet alcoholic beverages is the only impediment to the good sleep but I am learning, albeit quite slowly!

I'm feeling confident that I can still achieve this.  Over this last year (especially over winter) I added a 'winter coat' and am a little, though not much, heavier than the weight my body likes to sit at (really, it hasn't changed that much over the last 8 or so years).  More than anything it's a little wobblier and has sunk a little.  Nothing a bit of toning up won't fix.  Add to that the elimination of the bloating that I've found comes from eating sugar and I have great faith in my abilities to come out on top.


And if all else fails, I have approximately 1.5cm in seams I can let out (though even that won't be enough - I am a lot, a lot, hippier than the person for whom the dress was made!).  And there is a shop in town that sells shapewear to suck it all in and hold it there for the duration.  Gotta love shapewear!


If you'll excuse me, I think I need to go increase my heart rate a little and raise a sweat!

Operation Matron Dress: Week 1

Phew, what a week.  One down, eleven to go.  This week could have been a whole lot better - I certainly had higher expectations for myself but rather than let that get me down I'm resolving to get it better next week.  One step at a time and all.  

This week was all about the sugar detox.  Despite my idealised notions that I don't consume all that much sugar in my day, clearly I was kidding myself in the biggest possible way!  I spent the first four days with a killer headache pounding its little heart out behind my left eye before I cottoned onto the fact that I had also given up the caffiene cold-turkey and perhaps that was the cause.....half a can of DC later and headache was gone.  Terrible.  Next week - cut out the DC.

Saved by the carrot.  (Photo credit)

I also ate the world this week.  Well, I could have.  I was soooo hungry.  Hungry for all the sweet, not-on-the-approved-no-sugar-list - chocolate cake, macadamia biscuits, ice cream.  Of course.  Instead I stuffed myself full of cheese and crackers and carrots.  Lots and lots of carrots.  My go-to food when all I want is what I can't have and my brain fog won't let me come up with a suitable alternative in a hurry.  If in doubt, make it orange.  Next week should be better after I've gone shopping.  Mental note for future lifestyle/diet overhauls: fill the fridge with good stuff before you start.

I started the week off well with taking my own lunch to work.  I even had a whole little stash of non-sugar snicky-snacks to get me through the afternoon.  Worked well until about Wednesday when the cupboard was bare and the fridge was empty and the inspiration was flagging.  Must go shopping asap and restock.

I haven't done so well with the exercise this week.  None actually.   I have plenty of reasons but no excuses really.  The headaches for the first few days saw me locking myself in the dark bedroom for an hour or so as soon as I got home from work.  The LOML and I have also been putting in some stupid hours at the shop - it's not called the silly season for nothing - so that is impacting on my opportunities to get on the treadmill.  I have to make this a real priority for these next three weeks especially - if I don't exercise now when I'm flat out working there will be no chance I exercise in the new year when things slow down a little....

On the good news front, my water consumption this week reached all time high levels.  Impressive for me because working all day every day in air-conditioning that is set to freezing doesn't inspire me to maintain my hydration levels.  But I persevered and and came out trumps.  Combined with the lack of sugar, my skin is now clearer than it has been in a very long time (major outbreak earlier in the week - getting the bad stuff out maybe?), I'm sleeping the whole night through (BIG thing for me - I usually wake up 2-3 times a night) and I'm not getting the three-thirty-itis sweet cravings.  I'm also finding that my appetite is reduced - I'm not as hungry as I was earlier in the week and I seem to fill up much quicker.  Nice.

So here's to next week and keeping on top of the sugar, making more lunches and getting some form of exercise routine happening!

Operation Matron Dress: The Plan

So I have about 12 weeks to get myself toned up, trimmed down and able to fit into this dress.....

Plenty of time you say?  Well for me, most likely just enough.  

Not that I have that much weight I need to lose but 12 weeks allows for one false start, a few slip-ups, a whole lot of potential disaster in the form of Christmas and New Years, as well as 6 weeks of hard-core work hours which will seriously test my commitment to regular, heart-beat raising exercise (gift shop + Christmas + boxing day sales = long days + hard work + minimal free time).

With that in mind, I have a Plan.  A Plan that I will now share with the world because once shared it remains in the social consciousness and I am honour-bound to uphold it.  I'm like that. A healthy dose of guilt does marvels for commitment to a cause.

So here goes....my Plan of action in order to reach a successful outcome for Operation Matron Dress.....

• No added sugar.  That means no honey on toast for brekky, no mid-afternoon bikkie snack, no chocolate after dinner and definitely no ice-cream.  Oh, and no soft drink.  Not even the diet ones.
• More water.  I figure that without the soft-drinks this will be easy.  I just need to make sure my water bottle is always full.  And with me.  That helps.
• Make my own lunch to take to work.  I know, terrible that I don't do this already.  The carvery in the food court will see a significant decrease in their sales with this one but packing my own lunch will mean I can load up on healthier snacks to get me through the day.  Also, I'll be saving myself $5.20 by making my own egg and lettuce sandwich.  Yes that's right.  I am being extorted each day for two slices of bread, some (not a lot by any stretch of the imagination) mashed egg, and a sprinkling of 'passed it's prime' lettuce.  Time to change that.
• Cardio at least 3 afternoons a week.  I will pilfer my niece's skipping rope, I will somehow permanently plug the treadmill in (not as easy as it sounds - power was cut to the shed where it lives so plugging it in involves a whole lot of extension cord to reach the nearest power outlet), I will walk the block during a lunch break.  I will ride my bike to the shop.  Or I'll walk.  Basically I will move.  As opposed to the sitting that currently goes on.
• I will do some form of resistance work.  Squats behind the counter.  Lunges across the yard.  Step-ups on the back stairs.  If I can wrangle it I will get the weights gym out of the shed on our investment property and into our shed up here sooner rather than later.  And I will set it up and use it (the most important part).  
• And most importantly, I will report to the world my Operation status.  Nothing like an obligation to fess up and share my progress to motivate me to achieve.  Once a week I plan.  Shouldn't be able to hide anything that way.

Here goes.....