The thing with free advice....

....it isn't worth anything.

Have you ever been approached by someone, a complete stranger, in a public place, who has told you what to do/ what not to do/ how to live your life?  

I had one woman, years ago, interrupt me as I was reading a newspaper to tell me that the diet Coke I was drinking was causing me to be infertile and yes, looking into my eyes my irises indicate that irreversible damage has already been done and I would struggle to fall pregnant so I should stop drinking diet Coke RIGHT NOW.  Okay crazy lady, step away from the table.  Looking back, I wish I had said, "is that so? what a relief (take big swig of diet Coke), I don't want to fall pregnant so I'll just keep drinking diet Coke and stop taking the pill.  Thanks so much!"  But I didn't.  Instead I just stared at her in disbelief.  I'm pretty sure my jaw was dropped and my eyes were wide "Is she for real?!?!?!" while she continued with her rant.  I'm also sure she mentioned the fall of civilisation and the decent into anarchy.  Whatever.

Anyway, that was my one incident.  The LOML, he gets them all the time.  Predominantly women.  Women who think they have the right to go up to him and tell him what he needs to do to fix whatever it is that they think is his problem.  How he hasn't sworn at them I do not know.  He does swear a lot when retelling the stories though.  Not as much as I would if I was telling them :)

Just yesterday he had a woman, completely out of the blue, tell him he needs to eat more green beans.  I beg your pardon?, he said.  Green beans, you need to eat more green beans.  To fix your eyes.  My eyes?  There's nothing wrong with my eyes.  Green beans will get rid of the dark around your eyes.  Lady, the 'dark around my eyes' you are referring to is hereditary.  I don't have a problem with it.  Green beans will get rid of it.  You need to eat more green beans.  No I don't.  You seem to be the only one with the problem with my eyes.  I'm done talking with you.  (silence)  Well, you need to be more humble.  (what!?!?!?!)  You need to leave my store.

Okay, so that was the condensed, swearing-removed, retold version but this is just one incident of many.  'Oh I'm sure they only mean well' you say?  Meaning well is one thing, imposing your beliefs and opinions on others is another and one that is not on.  Particularly not when the person you are imposing on has not invited your opinion or advice.  And even more so when that person doesn't know you.

So what's the solution?  What's the answer?  How best to respond to someone who does this?  I don't know.  

Always there will be people who think they know better and that it is their place and their right to tell the world how to suck eggs.  Maybe they need a dose of their own medicine.  I wonder how they would take to being told to pull their head in and mind their own business.  I wonder what what their response would be to being told that they really need to eat more sugar and sweet foods because clearly from the tone of their voice and the puckering of their mouth as they talk they are in desperate need of something to sweeten their sour disposition.  I wonder how that would go down?  

You have to laugh

....otherwise you'd cry.

The LOML just rang me from work to share with me a funny story that just happened to him.  He had to tell someone.  It was an experience too good not to share.


So he called me cos he knew I'd get a kick out of it.


Here's how it went.....


He's at the shop where there we have a half price sale on.  A lady comes to the counter with two small glass vases.  


In an attempt to engage in some light-hearted conversation, he says to the lady (after the greeting/how's your day etc) "Now we have a sale on at the moment - you can have these vases for half price or you can get two for one."


The lady says "Oh I don't care, which one works out cheaper?"


He says, after a moments pause, "They're the same thing."


She says, frowning slightly and in an exasperated tone, "Oh....give me two for one....no, make it half price."


He says without breaking into smile, "No worries."  He hands her the change.  "Have a nice day."


Then he rings me.  Laughing.

Retail - it's a whole other world.

Good customers get good service

Everyone seems to be saying it these days, you have to search far and wide to find a place that offers customer service.  Not good service, oh no no no, we're talking about any form of service full stop. 

I've worked in retail for most of my working life - apart from a couple of years working for the government (phew....the office politics....get me outta there!) - and I can tell you that as a customer, you get what you deserve.  Literally.

Now I like to think I give good customer service.  I smile.  I greet you when you enter my store.  I'll even ask how your day is.  And I'll mean it.  All I ask in return is that you smile back, respond politely and actually ANSWER me.  Not too hard, surely.

I've had my fair share of rude and nasty customers and what they don't understand is that you catch more flies with honey.  Eventually they will want something from me - to buy something, to have it wrapped, to have a nice bag to carry it in - how much of that they will get will depend on how nice they are to me from the outset.  Terrible of me?  More flies with honey....

Just the other day I had a nasty old woman (see how my perception has changed?  When she first entered the store, she was just a woman) come in to exchange a piece of clothing that she had bought on sale the day before but that she didn't try on to make sure it fitted.  So she came back in to get her money back cos she didn't like it.  But she wasn't nice about it.

She came in, I said hello and asked her how I could help her.

'I want my money back.  This dress isn't what I want.'  Ohhh-kay.  So we're going to be like that about it.

'I want my money back.  By law you have to give me my money back'.  Uh, no I don't. 

As per the LARGE SIGN on the counter (which she made a point of reading before even starting her tantrum), we don't offer refunds on items that are not faulty blah-blah-blah or because you change your mind.....as per the Office of Fair Trading regulations blah-blah-blah. 

Thirty minutes this went on for.  Her telling me I was wrong and that she had worked in retail for 30 years and the customer was always right and I had to give her her money back, then me telling her no.  At one point I even pulled out the phone book and gave her the telephone number and address of the OFT for her to ring and confirm what I was saying was correct.  Bitchy, no?

Anyway, long story short.  She left.  With the dress.  And no refund.

What she didn't realise is that if she had have been nice when she came in and not been so intent on attacking me, the shop, the product, I most likely would have given her a store credit.

But I didn't.  Because she was a bitch about it.  And I had the power.

So the moral to the story, never forget that the person behind the counter has all the power.  It serves you well not to piss them off before you get what you want.

Likewise, don't call your hairdresser a bitch before he cuts your hair or tell your chef she can't cook before you get your meal. 

More fool you if you do.